That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
