No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Boobs are out for the taking
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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