i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just want nice things and good sex
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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