I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize