i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
