Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
