Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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