the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
