Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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