Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
