My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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