My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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