oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
