I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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