I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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