Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
