So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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