Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize