i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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