sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
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