i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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