Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
