K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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