u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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