Redeem this text for a blowjob
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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