You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
