you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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