i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
