Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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