My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I could fuck to npr.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
