Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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