mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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