I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
