im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
