my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
