bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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