i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
