Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
