I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
