with your own penis?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
