and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I had to cum in my sink.
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