so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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