I can text with my tongue
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
