The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
