I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
