I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think I sprained my soul last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
