My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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