she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
