he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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