i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
His nipple licking is glorious
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