I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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