Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize