he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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