so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
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