I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
