I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
