My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Randomize
