We named our party play list daddy issues
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
