The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
