So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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