I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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