he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
