Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm too high and old for this...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
