U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
