i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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