note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
