her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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