ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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