There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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