We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
