Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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