Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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