the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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