I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
