You smell like a Billy Joel song
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
