so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
